


faggot

by undread



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Bisexual Kuwata Leon, Coming Out, Depression, F slur, Gay Owada Mondo, Internalized Homophobia, Internalized Misogyny, Jealousy, M/M, Making Out, PLEASE HEED WARNINGS;;;, Rape/Non-con Elements, Underage Rape/Non-con, at the very end, gay bars but idk how gay bars work so im kinda just guessing, god idk how to tag this im just begging you be careful, tell me if this is written bad pls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:42:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28094085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/undread/pseuds/undread
Summary: no way in hell i can ever live it down
Relationships: Kuwata Leon/Oowada Mondo, Oowada Mondo/Original Character(s), Owada Daiya & Owada Mondo
Comments: 4
Kudos: 29





	faggot

**Author's Note:**

> once again rewritten from a really old fic. leon wasnt even included in the first version ngl i threw him in for fucksies
> 
> just h please tell me if this is bad
> 
> also i be like: says fuck a lot to make the fic longer

Boys like _girls._

Mondo likes girls. He doesn't, actually, but he can't let anyone know that. There are consequences when boys like boys and Mondo doesn't want to deal with them. At age fifteen, Mondo liked girls and he was gonna make sure everyone knew it.

Youngest in the gang, but he was still _in the gang._ Girls like bad boys, girls like bad boys who smoke (Mondo picked up the habit) and they like bad boys with two fingers and no brain and Mondo checks every box. He didn't have trouble fitting in when there was a girl on his shoulder every week. None of it meant anything, though- all it did was prove to others what Mondo knew wasn't true. He couldn't be honest, not with anyone, he was already lesser in the eyes of the gang. Daiya... Daiya would kick him out, right? Daiya, the closest man he had to a father after escaping the actual piece of shit, Daiya would disown him. Daiya would throw him on the street without a second thought.

The truth is best kept secret in the end. He'll call smaller boys queers and fags and _gay,_ in the mean way. He'll beat the shit out of them and spit in their faces and he'll finger-bang every girl he runs into. He'll talk about tits every day as long as it means the truth never comes to surface. It's a secret he doesn't want to share and by sixteen there's not even a risk of it being found out.

He was pretty tired by sixteen, too. Girls cried when he ghosted them and boys cowered away in fear. Nothing meant anything and every girl was just another sack of meat to finger and every boy is just another punching bag. Eventually, nobody likes him. Maybe no one liked him in the first place. The cigarettes lose their flavour and he inhales nothing but ash. Maybe he doesn't want anyone to like him. He doesn't really like himself.

At seventeen, he has a reputation. "Don't look at him dude," voices whispered, "Don't you know who that is? He'll beat the shit out of you."

Everyone knows who he is. Everyone knows what he's done, and his actions and reputation weren't helped by his position. _Biker Gang Leader-_ dangerous, violent, criminal, delinquent. Everyone knew who he was and they know not to get too close. Or, he thought everyone knew.

Leon Kuwata is seventeen and he is a complete fucking moron. He's a fire burning down the halls of the school with his bright hair and flashy clothes, his attitude and his big-talk. He's a baseball player and he fucking hates it, he wants to be a musician and Mondo kinda hates him and kinda loves him. The punk has no fucking clue who Mondo is or what he's done. He has not a single damn clue and it's actually kind of shocking. Mondo doesn't tell him anything until he tells him everything, all of the lies he's been holding and if some of the truth falls out that's Leon's fucking problem. Leon just smiles though, Leon just smiles, Mondo poured his guts out to this kid he barely even knows and he has the audacity to smile cause he's seventeen and a moron and Mondo absolutely loves him.

"Don't worry man, I get it," he says, and his smile is warm and his braces are just barely showing. "I'm like that too."

Leon becomes something like a lifeboat and something like a crush. Leon is a reminder that Mondo isn't the only guy out there who feels how he does. Mondo isn't the only guy who likes boys and it's liberating, not liberating enough, but liberating. Mondo never tells Leon how he feels but the make-outs happen despite that. Leon's tongue is down his throat and Mondo never really experienced that, he's never been on the receiving end. They never go any farther and it kinda pisses Mondo off, he jacks off into the toilet thinking about what's below Leon's dumb fucking studded belt. He fucking hates everything, he still fucking hates himself.

"I'm so tired of lying," Mondo told the other once, "I just wanna be honest with myself. I don't wanna lie anymore, I wanna be honest with myself for once in my fucking life."

Leon smiled that warm, inviting smile again and wrapped his arm around Mondo's shoulders. "I know a place."

_____________

It's a bar. _A gay bar,_ Leon corrects, and Mondo feels genuinely scared for the first time in months, maybe years. He doesn't know what will happen when he's inside, he doesn't know if he'll recognize anyone or if anyone will recognize him, and before he can even think about turning his bike around and going home Leon is flashing his fake ID ("I know a guy, who knows a guy, who knows some guys...") and ushering Mondo to do the same. Inside is... different than Mondo expected. He doesn't immediately recognize anyone, which eases him some. Late in the night, most persons were just men getting off from work and groups of friends out for a midnight party. It felt safe, like Mondo could let go. He was safe to be himself, and slowly the anxiety that plagued him had disappeared. Everything was okay. It was just him and Leon. Just him and Leon, Mondo and Leon, and Leon is sitting right next to him and leaning in close and Mondo wants so bad to tell him how he feels-

"You want a drink?" Leon asks, "I'm buying."

As much as Mondo wanted to accept, he declined, because he's driving his own bike home and he's not an as big of a moron as he looks. He wants to get hammered, he wants to make out with the punk and maybe fuck him or get fucked by him and he wants so much but he orders water.

He doesn't focus on anything too much. It's just a normal bar, a few couples kissing but it's just a normal bar, the same as always, the same as he would go to with the Diamonds. Only this time, Leon is here, and they both know, and they're both technically _out_ right now and Leon is drinking like a monster and there's a girl- there's a girl. Mondo doesn't know her. Mondo just knows that Leon is looking at her when he's supposed to be looking at Mondo. Everything makes sense to Mondo, suddenly. Leon is like him but he's not _just like him._ Leon didn't have as hard a time, Leon didn't wrack his brain trying to hide everything cause he had nothing to hide, he still liked girls, if only a little. More than a little. A lot. They disappear into the men's bathroom and Mondo wants to punch himself, he wants to beat the absolute shit out of himself for being so stupid. Of course Leon didn't like him like that. No one would like him like that. No one likes Mondo and Mondo doesn't like anyone and Mondo doesn't like himself.

He should just leave. He should really just leave. He holds on for a second cause he thinks maybe Leon will come back out, maybe Leon will come out and talk to Mondo instead of a chick he doesn't know. Maybe then they can kiss and everything will work out, everything will be okay. But nothing is okay, Leon doesn't come out and Mondo bumps into someone as he walks out the door.

"Owada?"

This can't be happening.

The man he bumped into is one Mondo knows well- he's older than Mondo by a few years, about Daiya's age. Satsujin. He's been in the Crazy Diamonds basically since Daiya started the gang, and he and the older Owada were relatively tight. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing," the older smirked, the cigarette in his mouth quirking up as he did so. Mondo looked him over skeptically. "You got something to hide?"

The phrasing got to Mondo, somewhat. He was hiding this, wasn't he? He really couldn't tell anyone, he told Leon and look how that worked out. No one could know, not Daiya, who he looked up to, who he respected, who he wanted to be just like. He couldn't talk about who he liked. He certainly couldn't bring a boy home. Mondo Owada was built of lies. Being around a fag would ruin Daiya's image either way. "I have nothing to hide."

It's another lie, adding onto the pile, but it's one that Satsujin sees through immediately. The older grabs Mondo's wrist tight enough that he can't escape, and he leans in close to whisper to the younger. "Let's take this outside, kid."

Ultimately, Mondo doesn't have a choice, being pulled into an alleyway next to the bar. It's filthy, littered with beer cans, bottles, and there's a present smell of alcohol. Still, Satsujin roughly shoved Mondo against the brick of the bar. For the second time that night, Mondo felt real, genuine fear course through him. That was all his secret ever got him, wasn't it? Fear, hurt. He hates it. He hates being gay and he hates himself, he wants to be normal, he wishes he was the one in that bathroom instead of Leon, making out with (and probably banging) some chick he didn't even know. Another broad who wouldn't matter in the morning, who would cry after Mondo ghosts her. If he did it enough, maybe he could convince himself he's straight.

Satsujin pulls at Mondo's shirt and looks at him like a hungry animal. "Ya sure ya ain't got anything you wanna say?" He grins like he accomplished something, something other than scaring a seventeen year old shitless. "Daiya know you're here?"

Mondo sucks in a harsh breath. _No,_ he wants to say, _no, Daiya has no idea and he can never know._ He's so sick of lying he wants to be honest if it kills him but now isn't the time. "Of course he knows."

"So it's cool if I call him and tell him, right?" Satsujin smiled wickedly again, pulling his phone out of his jacket. Mondo's eyes widened and he gulped heavily.

"Don't tell him," Mondo begged quietly, grabbing onto Satsujin's jacket. "I lied, okay? Daiya has no idea I'm here. He'll- he'll kill me if he finds out man, you can't tell him." There's desperation in Mondo's voice, if Daiya found out, if Daiya found out, if Daiya found out. "Please?"

"Why shouldn't I?" Satsujin asked, "What's in it for me?" Mondo didn't know what to say. He didn't have anything to give; money isn't an option, Leon said he was gonna pay for everything, and Mondo didn't have any valuables. His only valuable was his jacket, and Satsujin already had one of those. Seeing Mondo's hesitation, the older sighed. "Look, kid, it's okay. I ain't gonna tell Daiya, aight?"

Mondo looked up, shocked. "W-wait, really? You really aren't gonna tell him?"

"Course not. Ya just gotta do something for me."

_____________

Within the next few minutes, Mondo was shoved harshly to the ground, among the beer bottles and the litter and the grime. Distantly, he saw Leon's car leaving, and he saw the silhouette of a lady in the passengers seat. Coming to the bar was never about Mondo, it was never about making Mondo happier or more comfortable with himself. It was always about Leon. It was so Leon could get out, so Leon could get some drinks and so Leon could get a date. Mondo was just along for the ride and he felt betrayed, he felt so, so betrayed. He couldn't focus on the feeling though, not when Satsujin was towering above him.

"I always thought you were pretty cute," the older admitted, grabbing, groping, scratching. Mondo scrambled for steadiness, he struggled to overpower Satsujin but he couldn't get a grip, he wasn't in the right position, he didn't have enough time-

He didn't have enough time and it hurt so much-

_____________

Mondo told Daiya everything.

He hadn't meant to say so much, honestly, but he had to. Coming home in the middle of the night covered in bruises, hickeys, dirt and blood, Daiya had questions. "Mondo, what the hell happened? Where were you?" A dam was cracked in Mondo's psyche and everything he'd been holding back, hiding, lying about for years, the truth he didn't want anyone to know, it all came rushing out in mere moments and he couldn't stop himself when tears began to flow. Explaining, apologizing, crying, more apologizing, more explaining, even more apologizing.

Daiya wrapped his arms around his younger brother tight, but softly. "It's gonna be alright, I ain't mad," he started, attempting to comfort Mondo. "I ain't mad at all. Kid, I'm your brother," Daiya looked Mondo in the eye to emphasize this, "I don't give a single shit who you're into. I really don't. You can tell me fucking anything man, I'm serious. You're my little bro and nothing is gonna change that."

Mondo couldn't even speak, choking on his own air. _Thank you,_ he wanted to say, _thank you, you're the best brother I could ask for, I love you._ All that came out were garbled sobs.

"You're gonna be okay, I'm gonna deal with everything, okay?" Daiya whispered, holding Mondo close to him. "It's a promise."

**Author's Note:**

> fun fact: the name satsujin means "murder." when writing this the first time i just googled "japanese names that mean bad guy" and i came up with zankoku satsujin.


End file.
